Delete, Delete, Delete

As I was going through my saved files on my computer’s memory database, I realized it was time to delete several that I no longer needed. In doing this it occurred to me how I wished I could do this to my own memory database. 

What if we could delete all the hurts life had dealt us. The heartbreaks from a lost love, the painful things that someone had done or said to us. Let’s not forget all the grief, the kind that felt as if the very life was being sucked from us. Yes, if only we were able to delete all of those hard times. Imagine if they were only words written on a chalkboard. Just grab that eraser and slowly move it across every bad memory until poof, just like that, they would now be only a puff of chalk dust to be blown away.  It sounds like a good plan, doesn’t it? 

But as I begin to recall these memories, something else became vivid. These were the times when I fell on my knees the hardest. The times I called upon the Lord the loudest. I spoke to Him more often, and with deeper need. Not only did I call upon Him but I felt Him, felt Him carrying me through all those trials.

Had I not experienced all of those trials and hard times while a teen, being told that I would never be good enough, I would not have heard Jesus calling me accept Him into my heart. The tears from holding the lifeless body of my premature, first-born son would never have stopped falling.  I could not have endured the pain, as He surrounded me with His love during my divorce. Never would I have known what that peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) could possibly feel like while preparing for the funeral of my grandson. Without Him, there is no way I could face the trial of our current circumstances as our oldest daughter is now fighting cancer. 

As believers and Christ-followers, we know we cannot get through hard times without Him. This is His plan for us. He wants us to know that He is with us. To know that our happiness comes from no other source but Him.  Saying we know Jesus is one thing. But when we feel Him, that assures us that He is real and right here. He is holding us and building our faith in Him during these trials.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may mature and complete, not lacking anything, (James 1:2-4 NIV)

When things are going smoothly in our lives we are too busy with the noise around us to hear or feel the need to call out to Him so deeply. Oh yes, we still have our daily prayer time, even without trials. However, we do not feel that deep desire or need to connect with Him. We can become complacent in our time with Him.

God doesn’t shout to get our attention, He allows trials. When we find ourselves faced with such trials that is when we want to be alone with God. We need to search for him in our time of desperation. It is in the stillness of that desperation that we find Him. (Jeremiah 29:13) Therefore, we draw closer in, feel a deeper love for, and surrender our will and dependence on God.

So should we decide to delete all the hard times. All the rough times. All the sad times. We would also be deleting all the blessed times we felt God surround us with His loving arms. My dear friend, believe me when I say I understand. I know how difficult life’s trials are and that feeling of dire desperation. But I also understand Jesus went through more than you or I will ever know. He did this so that we could know the peace that comes through the Holy Spirit living within us. Therefore, we need not to wipe away all of our hard memories. We can rejoice in them for they are building our faith in God. Preparing us to be mature in understanding our only happiness comes from knowing and trusting in our Lord and Savior.