Heart of Weeds
Have you ever had one of those moments where you saw your Christianity fly right out the window before you had a chance to grab hold and rein it back in? Unfortunately, I have. This happened to me just a few days ago after having harsh words with my husband. Something he said struck me wrong and I yelled at him, saying things I didn’t mean, yet could never be unsaid.
Time To Walk Away
I decided to go outside to work in my flower beds, allowing us time to cool off. About a year ago I planted a small twig of a beautiful flowering plant. While it did have beautiful showy flowers in the fall, it was also very invasive. That plant was spreading and taking over my entire flower bed. Earlier in the spring, I spent hours digging the whole thing up. If you are not familiar with invasive plants, you may not know it’s near impossible to actually be rid of them. Just when you think they are gone, they come creeping back up. Leaving you to wonder where did that come from.
So, again I found myself digging, trying to rid my flower bed of this obnoxious plant. While trying not to disturb the other plants, I scratched the top soil and pulled all the roots I could see. The more I pulled, however, the more of those tiny roots kept appearing. As I was doing, this I realized I was fighting a losing battle. I needed to dig down to the main root in order to reveal where those little roots were stemming from.
Hearing From God
As soon as this thought crossed my mind, I heard God speak to me. “My child, your heart is like this plant. The world sees your life as beautiful and showy. Yet, on the inside you have buried deep within your heart the roots of pain, heartache, rejection, and abuse. Yes, you have done well over the years to bury them deep. But now, you have those tiny roots running wild in your heart, sprouts appearing here and there, causing such negative responses. Until you allow me into the deepest part of your heart, you will always have those roots springing up trying to destroy your best life, the life I have planned for you.”
Let me tell you my friend, while His voice was not audible, I heard that message loud and clear. I stopped what I was doing right at that moment, went inside and apologized to my loving husband. I explained to him how my past and the pain I had tried to bury was the cause of my over reactions. We discussed how we could both work on this together to better understand what my trigger points were. I then asked God to forgive me for trying to do things my way and not trusting Him with my deepest pains.
Scars on The Heart
We all have our past, that’s what makes us who we are. However, when you have those scrapes on the heart, they leave a scar. The deeper the wound the deeper the scar. When we cover them, never allowing them to completely heal, they have a tendency to resurface in other areas of our life. This resurfacing can cause those eruptions that make us ask “where on earth that come from.” “Why did I react in such a way?”
King Solomon explained it best when he said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23 New International Version).
The heart is our inner life, controlling our thoughts, cravings, and actions. Learning to guard our hearts, digging deep enough to rid ourselves of those painful roots from the past will allow God to heal our wounds. We are aware that God knows what is in our hearts. Confessing them to Him, instead of trying to hide those hurts, opens our heart up to His healing.
Sharing with my husband those deep wounds and how they have left me feeling broken and defensive, has helped me to get to the main cause of my reactions. If you have found yourself in similar situations, I urge you to find someone to talk to. If not your husband, then a close friend or pastor. Open honest communication can sometimes be difficult, but this is the key word “communication”. Communication with God and communication with those whom you feel safest with. Just remember everything we do flows from the heart. Our actions reveal what is in our heart.
